Healing part

I know, I know. It has been 9 months since I blogged in English and it was mainly about my health.

A dear friend of mine once told me this: “If you are sick, you have only one wish. If you are not sick, you have thousands of wishes.”

I was talking to that friend the other day, and I was about to complain about how I have such a big appetite and have gained more than 10 pounds. She said, “Oh girl, if you are sick, you have only one wish, and if you are not sick, you have many wishes.” That stopped me right away. 

She says and does things naturally, in a way that she is not telling me what to do or judging me. But the way she talks just works for my brain like magic.

It’s human nature to easily forget where you were and how you were.

I purposely read my blog about my health from 9 months ago this morning and remembered how little things were big—like getting out of bed, doing 1–2 hours of work without crashing, getting 4 hours of sleep in a 24-hour day—things like that.

I am doing more than great today! I should be grateful every minute of life. But sometimes I forget. Especially when things are going well, I forget. I start to complain.

Anyways, what I wanted to share today is about my healing journey.

I forgave. The things that bothered me from the past to the present, the people who hurt me from the past to the present—I forgave everyone, including myself.

And the healing started at that moment, when I understood who I am, how I am, and why I am like this and that.

After that, I started taking care of myself before taking care of others. I was deprioritizing myself, thinking that was the way to take care of others.

The first thing I did was take a trip to my home country to see my mom and my family. The truth is, when you are feeling down, genuine care and love come from your own people. I needed that so much. I was homesick. I was far away from my people. I worked through some unfinished feelings with some of my family members, and I met some wonderful Mongolian doctors—particularly thankful to one doctor, Odonchimeg.

The treatment was feeling loved by my family, especially my four older sisters. They brought my soul back to life.

When I was back home with my husband and kids, I was already on the mend, but not fully. So I took my kids back to Mongolia, with a little trip to Korea to see one of my sisters, who was getting ready to earn her PhD degree at Seoul National University.

I intentionally left my husband. Why?

Because ever since we built a family, neither of us had ever had alone time. When I did that, I felt refreshed and energized. So I told my husband, you take care of yourself and enjoy your alone time.

I wanted my kids to feel the love I felt from my family. I wanted them to know that they have many people in this world who deeply care about them. I could not wait one more day.

And that was the best decision I have ever made in my life as a mother. Literally.

Another few things I think helped my healing: I gradually weaned off my medications. Another dear friend, who has been a big support during my journey and who works in the medical field, truly helped me uncover the untold truth about medication side effects. That was really huge in my healing process. As soon as I stopped one particular medication, my fatigue started to lift, which was a huge relief and joy. You have no idea how hard it is to be severely fatigued unless you have experienced something like that. I switched to exercise to manage certain symptoms and to manage my pain without medication, and I continue to stay active.

I started doing what makes me happy, like writing and working in a place where I am valued, unlike government or city jobs. I completely quit the city job I hated, which I believe caused so much stress in the first place.

Now I am back doing what I love. But work is work. No job is permanent or secure in this economy unless you work for yourself. I am trying to live in the present and enjoy every moment of my job as an HR auditor at one of the well-known tech companies, while continuing to expand Interviews and Beyond.

Most importantly, I am making sure to spend my time more meaningfully—spending quality time with my kids and every loved one in my circle. Living with less regret. Life is short, but life is also beautiful and long if you choose to live in the present. Lastly letting go little things and celebrate small wins in life. Accept people as who they are. Have the wisdom to respect the difference, and change the things that I can. Stop worrying about things that are out of my control. 

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Farruko Pepas ба мартагдашгүй 2024 он

 Энэ тухай бичиж үлдээхийг бодсоор хоёр жил өнгөрчихжээ. 

Хэдийгээр нарлаг Калифорниад амьдардагч, өмнөдөө бодвол манай амьдардаг хойд Калифорниа өвлийн амралтын үеэр целсийн 10 градус хүрэх өдрүүд байна. Нэмэх 10 ч гэлээ бидэндээ хүйтэн өвөлд орно. Нөхөр маань аль болох цастай газар өвлийн амралтаа өнгөрөөхийг илүүд үздэг бол би эсрэгээрээ халуун дулаан газар зорихыг хичээнэ. Нэгэнт гэр бүл болж амьдарна гэдэг дундаа уулзаж, аливааг тэнцүүлэхэд оршдог тул хоёр нэгийн харьцаатайгаар амралтуудаа хаана өнгөрөөхөө шийдэж байхаар тогтсон юм. Хоёр дулаан газар, нэг цастай газар гээд ээлжлээд явна гэсэн үг. 

Миний насан туршдаа хэзээ ч, яагаад ч мартагдахгүй нэгэн үйл явдал, 2023 оны өвлийн амралтаар болсон юм. Яг он солигдож, 2024 он гарах мөч. 

Тэр өвлийн амралтыг бид гэр бүлээрээ Мексик улсын Канкун хотод өнгөрөөж байлаа. Ибизеро стар амралтын газар нь номин цэнхэр далайн эрэг дээр байх агаад, гэр бүл, үр хүүхэдтэй хүмүүст илүү тохирсоноороо алдартай аж. Эхлээд араай хямдыг нь сонгож захиалсан газар, залуу хүмүүсийн цэнгээний төв мэт замбараагүй, согтуу хөлчүү улсууд байсан тул, нөхөр маань хэдэн доллар хэмнэх гэсэн алдаагаа дор нь засаж, дараагийн газраа хурдхан сонгов. 

Эхний газар, мөнгө буцаан олгохгүй энэ тэр гэж бас хаа газар хааяа нэг тохиолддог новшийн зан гаргаж, сүүлдээ Англи хэл ойгохгүй дүр эсэгсэн гээд бод. 

Гэтэл тухайн үед дунд сургуульд ч ороогүй байсан охин маань, шууд Спаниар ярьж, бүхнийг  тайлбарлаад, бүх асуудлыг нүд ирмэх зуур шийдчих нь тэр.

Он гарах үйл ажиллагаатай холбоотойгоор хэдэн өдөр янз бүрийн гоё арга хэмжээнүүд болсоор байлаа. Яг 31-ний орой, зөвхөн томчуудад зориулсан арга хэмжээ хамгийн том дотор диско зааланд болж, харин гадаах том стадионд нь гэр бүлээрээ амарч байгаа хүмүүст зориулсан, бүх насны хүүхдүүд оролцож болохоор тасархай парти болов. Хүү маань нас нь бага байсан тул, оройны 7 гээд аавтайгаа амархаар явлаа. Охин маань ээждээ хань болон үлдэж, эхэндээ шоуг сонирхон зүгээр л үзэж байснаа, сүүлдээ ээжтэйгээ хамт бүжиглэж, бид хоёр инээлдэн хөгжилдөөд үнэхээр сайхан байлаа. Тэгээд яг он гарахын өмнө тоолол хамт хийсэн мөч санаанд минь гүн тод үлдсэн байна. Тэр мөчийг бодох бүр, сэтгэл бүлээсч, инээмсэглэл тодордог. 

Farruko Pepas тоглож байх үед, хөтлөгч бид хоёрыг тайзан дээр гарч бүжиглэхийг урьсан болоод ч тэр үү, эсвэл охинтойгоо хамт анх удаа шөнөжингөө бүжиглэж, инээлдэх ховор завшааг тохиосон болохоох ч тэр үү, тэр мөчөөс хойш одоо хүртэл энэ дуу миний хамгийн дуртай дуу болон хувирсан юм. Дууг сонсох бүр охинтойгоо хуучин оноо үдэж, шинэ оноо угтсан мөч өчигдөр болсон мэт мэтгэгдэл төрдөг. 

Охин : ээж ээ, таны хайртай дууны үг хүүхдэд тохирсон үгтэй биш шүү дээ гэж хэлээд жуумалзахыг харахад, ээжтэйгээ шинэ он солилцохыг тоолсон мөчдөө хайртай байдаг нь харагдсан юм. 

Үр хүүхэд, гэр бүлээрээ хуучин ондооо баярласнаа илэрхийлж, шинэ оноо угтахад бэлэн. Шинэ ондоо эрүүл энх байж, хайртай хүмүүстэйгээ цагийг өнгөрөөхийг л хүсэж байна даа. 

Улаанбаатарын түгжрээ намайг зогсоохгүй - Фелетон

Хүн төрсөн нутагтаа очоод, танил хэл, адилхан царайнууд харахаараа зориг орчихдог юм билээ. Тэр байтугай тив маань ойртоод ирэнгүүт, бие сэтгэлд хүртэл өөрчлөлт ороод, хажууд суух миний амьдардаг тивийн бололтой гадаад залууд учиргүй ойр ойрхон гүйн ирэн үйлчлэх тив нэг, зүс нэг онгоцны үйлчлэгч бүсгүйд “надад бас нүдний халхавч авчирч өгнө үү” энэ тэр гэж, бүр нэг  цаанаас хэл ам хурцдаад ирж байна аа. Ер нь нутаг руугаа нисэх замд учиргүй унтаж байснаа гэнэт сэргээд хэл ам хиймээр ч юм шиг болоод ирэнгүүт газрын зураг харангуут яг л Ази тиврүү орж яваа харагддаг даа. Тэгэхээр одоо Монголын хил рүү оронгуут бол таахалзмаар, улам чанга инээмээр, онгирмоор сэтгэл аяндаа төөрөх нь миний буруу биш биз дээ? Дээрээс нь ойрхон Монголдоо ирэхээр бүр нэг цуснаас бяр буцалж, яснаас зориг төрөөд байдаг юм билээ. 

Зориг орсон дээрээ хүүхдүүдийнхээ энд бүтэхгүй мөрөөдлийг гүйцээлээ. Бага хүүгээ машины урд талын хоёр суудлын дунд байдаг саван дээр суулгаж давхилаа. Хөдөө очоод иж планета дээр хоёр хүүхдээ танихгүй ахтай толгойны хамгаалалтгүй суулгаж хээр талын салхи татуулан адуу малын эрэлд явууллаа. Би өөрөө ганцаараа хотын төвийн зам гарж, Янмалаас оймс авч чадлаа. Айхтар зоригт бүсгүй болсон байгаа биз. 

Улаанбаатарын түгжээ намайг айлгасан гэж бодож байна уу? Ёстой чиг үгүй дээ. Ахынхаа Ямаха дээр, саатай даашинз, өндөр өсгийт жийсэн чигээрээ сундалж, ажил тарах үеийн алдарт бөглөрөө дундуур Шангрилад орох ёстой арга хэмжээндээ цагаасаа өмнө очсон. Итгэхгүй бол зургийг минь хараарай. 

Олон сайхан ажил амжуулсан зун байсан, ганц гэм нь Чокогоороо эргэж орж амжсангүй, Ривер Саундсаар бас шүргээд гарах зав гарсангүй. Намайг сайн мэдэхгүй хүмүүс зориг орчоод бүжиглэх гээд байдаг бололтой гэж бодсон байх. Тэр бол үгүй шүү. Би угаасаа архи дарс хэрэглэж чаддаггүй, тэгсэн хэрнээ харин төрөлхийн бүжих дуртай хүн байгаа юм. Би ээжийнхээ дүү шиг дал гарсан ч гэсэн тогос шиг гангалж, бүжгэнд явдаг хэвээрээ л байх болно. Зоригийнх биш удмынх юм шүү. 

 

Carma with K

It’s been so long since I wrote. Everyone’s always talking about the benefits of journaling, like it’s the secret to unlocking happiness or solving world peace. Blogging isn’t exactly journaling, but it's still writing. Blogging, journaling, doodling your grocery list... doesn’t matter what it is, as long as you’re putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), it’s soothing for me. Scientifically speaking, they say journaling is one of the most effective coping skills. If that’s true, then my coping skills are basically a superpower at this point.

I tell my clients (yes, I’m still coaching people here and there) that I use ChatGPT for work from time to time, but you have to put in your personal touch, and it depends on what purpose you are writing for. I’ve seen some people use ChatGPT to prepare for job interviews, and an experienced interviewer (like me) can tell right away. That can lower your interview score somewhat.

With that being said, I’m not going to use ChatGPT for my blogging. Maybe I will just ask to correct the grammar without changing anything. 

So, many of you are wondering, how have I been?

Well, the last 11 months and 29 days have been a real rollercoaster of life. I know everyone goes through life’s ups and downs, and this is only my own experience. By writing this, I’m not looking for empathy, sympathy, sorrow, or anything. I need to write this for my own good, and if there’s something you can take from my experience, then great!

I’ve been to around 67 doctor’s visits, excluding out network doctor's visit, and acupunctures, plus endless lab work, 4 major MRIs, and 3 investigative procedures to figure out why I am physically ill with different kinds of symptoms. When I say different, I’m talking about something really strange happening to my body. I can't even give you a description of them. I was around 130 pounds in March, 2024 and by my birthday in September, 2024 I was barely weighing 108 pounds. As of today I gained around 10 pounds :) My brother (aka nephew) said, at least you don't have a problem about loosing weight, and we had a good laugh together. 

Maybe writing down the specialists I’ve seen will give you some sort of general picture of my strange symptoms.

I am so thankful to my primary care doctor, Dr. Varma, who has been connecting all the dots and coordinating my wonderful team of specialists.

Other specialists I’ve seen are:

GI doctor, OB-GYN, Immunologist, Allergist, Neurologist, Physiatrist, PT, Spine specialist, Rheumatologist, Acupuncturist.

It was tremendously helpful that 3 of these doctors have known me for over a decade. This means they know my history and my body. 

When you have a range of ongoing, fluctuating symptoms, specialists rule out potential causes within their respective fields, one by one. They exchange opinions, and each doctor on the team has access to all test results to ensure a comprehensive approach.  

By the time October 2024 came around, while some of my symptoms got better, another new symptom started. By Halloween 2024, I felt like my full-time job was going to doctor's appointments, labs, and making appointments for my next visit. I was still pushing through, working full time, mainly calling in sick to work.

Exactly from November 1st, my body slowly started to shut down, and the days I couldn’t pull myself out of bed increased. One of the new symptoms was so painful that it left me unable to move around. Luckily, the treatment plan for that particular symptom worked like magic for two weeks. Despite all other symptoms not responding to any treatments my doctors were trying, I was so grateful that I wasn’t bedridden.

I didn’t have much accrued sick time or any vacation through my full time job. Plus, all the medications I was trying started to give side effects by this time, which added more physical illness to my condition. I can’t blame my doctors for it because I was desperate to find a cure.

At this point, my doctor put me on an unpaid leave of absence from work starting in December.

If you saw me between April 2024 and November 2024, and I looked fine and functioning, those days were my better days. Maybe those were my miracle days when my body somehow appeared normal on the outside. Maybe those were days when some of my medications worked, or my acupuncture doctor helped take the edge off.

The mysterious and strange part of my journey is that I had no idea how I would feel the next day or even the next hour. It was difficult—very difficult—to plan things and run our life. I had no idea when I would feel better or when my pain would be worse. Here are some of the medications my doctors put me on in the hope that they would lessen the pain and provide relief: gabapentin, celecoxib, antibiotics, steroid inhalers, shots, prednisone, painkillers (1000 mg, 3 times a day), a series of antibody vaccines, and topical creams to numb my pain, along with herbs, supplements, and a strict FODMAP diet.

During this time, the most wonderful and most patient person I have ever met on earth was my dearest husband. He took on everything with grace and compassion while I dealt with my new journey.

He is carrying the full financial responsibility for our life. He was doing ALL the family errands, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of 2 kids while maintaining his full-time job, without complaining once. My husband aged 5 years in 11 months!

Since seeing an immunologist, I started to get some answers and began some treatment, which added more appointments.

Besides my husband and kids, (remotely my sisters, nieces and nephews like my own siblings my mom), uncle Bob, auntie Joan, and a few of my friends, my son's preschool principal and her staff really helped me get through the hardest days.

When I heard things like, “Oh, probably you’re not exercising, maybe not eating well,” it annoyed me so much. You have no idea how much I’ve been trying everything and anything possible to feel better. 

Just listen without trying to solve the problem, just do something without saying "let me know if I can help with anything", make them laugh. And if someone you care goes silent, please reach out and check in with them, and simply text "Im thinking of you" - That's all they need. 

I’ve always believed that even though the worst things happen in life, there is always, always one good thing that comes out of it. This time, I learned something really important. I can’t explain what it is today, but maybe one day, maybe I’ll be able to put it into words and share it with you all. However, unless you go through it yourself, I’m not so sure if you’ll benefit from my experience though. 

Learning from experience is something you have to learn all by yourself.

Today, I’m not 100% healed, but I’m definitely on the road to recovery, and my life has changed forever. I may not be able to pursue a full-time corporate job anytime soon, at least not in the near future. Speaking of jobs, there’s often confusion between a job and a career. People love to mix them up, like confusing a casual fling with true love.

As a career coach and HR professional, I've learned something important. Having a full-time job isn’t the same as having a career. A career is something you do for a living, whether you’re getting paid enough to buy that fancy coffee or not. Can you imagine my all time favorite oat milk latte costs $8 around here! And the size is small. 

A career is something you can’t just drop in the middle of. 

For example, imagine you’re in a meeting at work and you suddenly need to take care of something non-work-related. If you just walk out, that’s not a career- that’s a job. A career demands commitment, and sometimes, that means showing up, even when life outside the business gets... well, chaotic.

For now, being a healthy mother is my career, and everything else is either a part-time job or a gig. Oh, and if I don’t change my title from "Career Coach" to "Job/Career Coach," I’ll basically be a walking contradiction. But hey, it doesn’t matter. I’m still taking clients, hypocrisy be darned! And, just for kicks, I’m also a part-time HR consultant for Good Carma Consulting. Yes, you read that right—Carma with a "K." Because who wouldn’t want a little good karma in the workplace? Who knows, maybe my good carma will turn into a career someday. 

I’m so grateful to the founder and CEO of Good Carma Consulting, Cara, for being there for me throughout my challenging health journey, and for making me feel like a person throughout it all. I was able to work only when I was feeling better, which made her support all the more valuable. 

It's not about how much I was making, it's about feeling useful, heard, and understood. 

Anyway, within the past 11 months and 29 days, my life has changed forever. But honestly? For the better. Literally, the best.