I know, I know. It has been 9 months since I blogged in English and it was mainly about my health.
A dear friend of mine once told me this: “If you are sick, you have only one wish. If you are not sick, you have thousands of wishes.”
I was talking to that friend the other day, and I was about to complain about how I have such a big appetite and have gained more than 10 pounds. She said, “Oh girl, if you are sick, you have only one wish, and if you are not sick, you have many wishes.” That stopped me right away.
She says and does things naturally, in a way that she is not telling me what to do or judging me. But the way she talks just works for my brain like magic.
It’s human nature to easily forget where you were and how you were.
I purposely read my blog about my health from 9 months ago this morning and remembered how little things were big—like getting out of bed, doing 1–2 hours of work without crashing, getting 4 hours of sleep in a 24-hour day—things like that.
I am doing more than great today! I should be grateful every minute of life. But sometimes I forget. Especially when things are going well, I forget. I start to complain.
Anyways, what I wanted to share today is about my healing journey.
I forgave. The things that bothered me from the past to the present, the people who hurt me from the past to the present—I forgave everyone, including myself.
And the healing started at that moment, when I understood who I am, how I am, and why I am like this and that.
After that, I started taking care of myself before taking care of others. I was deprioritizing myself, thinking that was the way to take care of others.
The first thing I did was take a trip to my home country to see my mom and my family. The truth is, when you are feeling down, genuine care and love come from your own people. I needed that so much. I was homesick. I was far away from my people. I worked through some unfinished feelings with some of my family members, and I met some wonderful Mongolian doctors—particularly thankful to one doctor, Odonchimeg.
The treatment was feeling loved by my family, especially my four older sisters. They brought my soul back to life.
When I was back home with my husband and kids, I was already on the mend, but not fully. So I took my kids back to Mongolia, with a little trip to Korea to see one of my sisters, who was getting ready to earn her PhD degree at Seoul National University.
I intentionally left my husband. Why?
Because ever since we built a family, neither of us had ever had alone time. When I did that, I felt refreshed and energized. So I told my husband, you take care of yourself and enjoy your alone time.
I wanted my kids to feel the love I felt from my family. I wanted them to know that they have many people in this world who deeply care about them. I could not wait one more day.
And that was the best decision I have ever made in my life as a mother. Literally.
Another few things I think helped my healing: I gradually weaned off my medications. Another dear friend, who has been a big support during my journey and who works in the medical field, truly helped me uncover the untold truth about medication side effects. That was really huge in my healing process. As soon as I stopped one particular medication, my fatigue started to lift, which was a huge relief and joy. You have no idea how hard it is to be severely fatigued unless you have experienced something like that. I switched to exercise to manage certain symptoms and to manage my pain without medication, and I continue to stay active.
I started doing what makes me happy, like writing and working in a place where I am valued, unlike government or city jobs. I completely quit the city job I hated, which I believe caused so much stress in the first place.
Now I am back doing what I love. But work is work. No job is permanent or secure in this economy unless you work for yourself. I am trying to live in the present and enjoy every moment of my job as an HR auditor at one of the well-known tech companies, while continuing to expand Interviews and Beyond.
Most importantly, I am making sure to spend my time more meaningfully—spending quality time with my kids and every loved one in my circle. Living with less regret. Life is short, but life is also beautiful and long if you choose to live in the present. Lastly letting go little things and celebrate small wins in life. Accept people as who they are. Have the wisdom to respect the difference, and change the things that I can. Stop worrying about things that are out of my control.
